The Toné (née: "Tony") Awards and Gay Pride

Cole Escola accepts the award for lead actor in a play for “Oh, Mary!” at the 78th annual Tony Awards. He is the first non-binary winner. Michele Crowe/CBS

I should have known that I was gay long before my first time with a guy. Sure, I loved to wrestle other little boys. I pulled down the pants on G.I. Joe to see what was inside. I loved getting the Sears Roebuck catalog so that I could peruse the men's underwear section. But they were symptoms too subtle.

It should have been my infatuation with musical theatre that did it. I still have fond memories of flipping through my parents' LP collection and listening with glee to the Sound of Music; the Music Man; My Fair Lady. They were my gateway drug. I'm sure that if you took a survey of parents of gays and asked "when did you first think your son was a homo," one of the answers in common would be "well, he used to lock himself in his room and listen to Broadway Original Cast albums, so that was the first sign." Sure: there are masculine gay kids but they are unicorns. There are always little tells that just can't be hidden until you realize your peril if you don't camouflage with some people.

Every year I would seek out two calendars: the J.R.R. Tolkien calendar and the annual Broadway calendar with photos by Martha Swope. In fact, my love of Finian's Rainbow was a blending of the British folktales that Tolkien inspired in me and my theatre queen in training status. Nothing made me more euphoric than to have already seen one of the shows when its month on the Broadway calendar came up. I can still remember my obsession with the photo of Ann Reinking in Dancin' and the leg extended heavenward. I'll blog about Dancin' one day, I promise. Also the Life and Adventures of Nicolas Nickleby.

My dad took me to my first Broadway show (yes: road and truck company at the Morris A. Mechanic Theatre in Baltimore, but it counts) when I was in the seventh grade. He got me two tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar and I asked a girl that I had a crush on (Kathy something?) and she had the good sense to say "no" so I went with my dad. The last row in the second balcony but it didn't matter. The love affair was on. Soon after came Pippin—which remains one of my favorite shows in no small part due to the codpieces on the sexy male dancers and the theme of "what do I need to be when I grow up?"  Annie. The Elephant Man, Da, A Chorus Line followed and I was hooked.

Life was sweet with the advent of Beta and VHS tape players and I diligently captured every Tony performance on CBS but it took skill to time those punches of the "record" button to remove commercials and get exactly the best parts. I watched them over and over until the tapes just wore out. I even burned them to DVD when that technology was trending. The musical scenes were like a teleporter that transported me into the audience for the shows that were a three-hour drive and $50 (!!!) out of reach. I was a little bummed when YouTube started adding them and my long-gone collection was officially defunct and "a waste of time."

I don't know why theatre is gay. It just is. But my theory is that the LGBTQ+ community relates to emotional honesty because it is a part of their journey. You keep a secret because revealing it can be dangerous. And that is what theatre does: it reveals. Heart. Love. Drama. It shows human vulnerability. Remember your shock at the end of Gypsy the first time you realize that Mama Rose is vulnerable? Just a single person who spends two and a half hours positioning a story so that you see them: the real them. And we connect with that trust. Standing in the middle of a stage in front of over a thousand people and showing you their heart.

Actors are "coming out" at every performance. Maybe it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. But they are risking a revelation at every performance. In front of the world. Is it any wonder that gays love them. Patti LuPone, Marin Mazzie, Audra McDonald, Sutton Foster, Cole Escola, Brian Stokes Mitchell, are my best friends and I've never met them. When Marin Mazzie passed away: I cried because I knew her. Not really. But really.

It is maybe a coincidence that gay pride and the Tonys (indulge me, please) share the month of June. Perhaps that isn't all that we share.